Forever in my thoughts

Casey you are forever in my thoughts. I am the luckiest dad to have had you in my life for 21 years. You were so smart and complex. You had an infectious Pied-Piper smile and laugh. Everyone that met you wanted to get to know you.

I observed you for years. I saw the raw technical talent of a tech rock star. I watched that grow into a expert software developer and engineer.

You always aided others that asked for your insight or assistance.

You were one of a kind at so many levels. Most of all you were one of a kind to me and your family. I thank God you were here with me. I thought that would be much longer.

Handsome and charismatic yet down to earth, that was one of the many endearing qualities you possessed. I don't think you even knew your gifts.

Love you forever. Dad

You walked on your first birthday

Your family and friends miss you. You are gone, and we are doing our best carry on. You will never leave our lives as we learn to live without your presence. Your spirit and time here will forever be in our hearts and minds.

I will always remember you, Casey Mcdonnell, as the son that started it all. The first born of 5 siblings. I was shocked how you grabbed my heart and taught me.

I love you as I did the day you were born. I know you were not perfect, but I saw your creativity, talent and abilities that were so different.

This weekend was a tough one for me, as I still grapple with my loss.

I am a solutions person, and there is no solution. I cannot fix this. I just must live and remember the good and fun times.

You walked on your first birthday. Your mom said you did it when I was there, but I think it was while I was in Seattle. But, what a charge to see you walk for the first time.

Your first McDonalds french fries were in British Columbia Canada.

Your first Pizza was Lil Caesars.

You never slept through the night. You would call for me and I would run. I would talk to you until you fell asleep. Sometimes you held my hand and fell asleep.

Other times, we would take turns running around the stairs in a stroller hoping you would crash. You would laugh as I ran you in circles.

Your liked when I played Beastie Boys InterGalactic. You would bounce in the back seat. Screaming turn it up dad!

I remember when we saw an emergency vehicle pass. I said look at the big red truck. You said, "Actually, it is a red fire truck."

We took a day off to potty train you at 2 years old. You would tell us, I peed or I pooped. It was so funny. You drank so much juice, and we would not give you a diaper to make you use the potty. You danced and then finally used the potty.

We went on a trip to Houston and we worked on my laptop side by side. It was crowed in the desk chair. Your smile was your charm. You and I had so much fun that day.

You always had technology bend. You could figure out complex ideas in simple terms. It started with legos. You would build using "constructions".

I just loved you. I still love you!

Cross country road trip

When you were 16 years old we drove across country to increase your road miles and take your truck home. You and I were driving to Colorado from Atlanta with Wayde as the passenger. You took the first leg passing through Chattanooga Tennessee, and you were so nervous with all the huge trucks passing. Your hands were sweating, and you loudly voiced your emotions saying I need to stay focused on the road.

We swapped driving the whole trip. We stopped and ate trash food. It was the three of us on a road trip. Your driving got better as the trip took three days. But, you got tired of driving.

The longer the road the more you needed a break. Wayde and you led the music across the country. Monsters, coke, coffee and burgers fed the trip. We talked and talked about nothing. Wayde was a great passenger. We were both proud of you.

Crazy fun trip for me. I watched you grow and shared a rare moment with my older boys. Love you man.

Running with Dad

It was 1990 something and you and I were running on a path near our home. Well I was running and you were in a carriage running stroller with a mesh top.

The wind was a little stronger than normal, and I zipped the cover and gave you a blanket.

We started to run, and then we came up on a herd of mule deer. You had me stop to see the herd. They would not move off the path.

We had a staring contest that they won. You talked more than ever about the deer and our interaction.

Then the wind started and we pushed our way down the path. As usual I would talk and you would listen. I watched you bundle up in the stroller.

You started screaming windy, windy, windy. Your head was covered up as the wind bit into the carriage. You pulled yourself loose from the restraints and jumped backwards pushing your face into the netting.

You yelled " I want to go home now! "

From that point forward, you would never get in stroller.

It was the way you operated. Once something happened, you assumed it would occur again. Trying to get you to try new things was hard enough; however, getting you to get back on the horse was a matter of your level of interest. Bikes and skateboards yes, running no.

The Life of an Application Developer / New World Technologist (1995-2017)

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Casey Lewellyn McDonnell is my oldest son, big brother to 4 siblings and friend to many. Casey passed on February 7th , 2017.

He had the ability to see things in multiple dimensions. I always used his bleeding edge testing and exploration as a barometer of future technology / application directions. He learned through total immersion in building and designing application scenarios.

It started at the young age of 6 and never stopped. Vic Ahmed, founder and owner Innovation Pavilion, provided Casey and friends Joey Wainwright and Drew DeSilvey their own starter space to explore technology and application entrepreneurship at the age of 17. They saw both good and bad business ideas and start-ups. They learned the words opportunity, cashflow and trust.

His life was dedicated to understanding and pushing boundaries in all that he pursued. I remember asking the question Java versus Python. He just laughed. He loved Java, but Python was his game changer. Python made his programming fun and allowed him access to many unique modules / libraries to mold his applications.

He always had a Python Shell opened on his laptop or PC as he constantly moved between work and his pet projects.

He was willing to help any team member; however, his perfectionism drove him to push everyone around him to be organized, faster and detailed. This sometimes meant he would drive the team to exhaustion.

Coding came with rules, and Casey lived by the rules. He pushed standard techniques in syntax and commenting. Jim Heffner was Casey's mentor in code structure, error handling and testing. Once Casey learned what worked, he stayed on track with that process.

I saw the raw technical talent of a tech rock star. I watched that talent grow into a expert software developer and engineer. He became a leader with insight and purpose.

Casey was blessed to be surrounded and supported by a marvelous team of friends and coworkers. Casey loved the camaraderie of working with intelligent and slightly twisted group of software and technology professionals.

Casey's growth was directly impacted by his mentors. At Charter, Mike Manning saw Casey's raw talent and gave him his start. They were friends till the end. After Mike left, Robin Kargoll inherited Casey as his director. He always respected Robin and her leadership. Robin guided him through the corporate mine fields of expected results and behaviors.

Sagar Parikh became his manager, mentor and friend. Sagar and his team had a massive impact on Casey as a technologist and software developer. Sagar's team live to develop cable test software analytic and discovery tools. The team gave Casey both growth and creative opportunities during his three years at Charter.

Below is a note I found cleaning out Casey's desk.

Casey was representative of a new way of learning. Some call it hacking, he called it learning. He always built on his software development experience by layering experimentation with an expected delivery of a working application.

Casey's abilities also came with a desire to be alone to think, and the outdoors was primary his release. He told me dirt on his truck reminded him of where he needed to be.

Thanks goes to the Charter Advanced Engineering team for supporting him in life and his family in his passing. Thank you to Vic Ahmed and his longterm support. Mostly thank you to all that loved Casey. His friends and family. Forever missed and never forgotten.

Soda Palazzo

It was 2012 around 2 AM and we were talking about tech. We decided to take a drive to Raceway for Soda Palazzo.

As we exit the car in the Atlanta mist, a Bentley pulls up next to us in the gas isle. We are standing outside my car headed into Raceway, when out steps Lil Wayne and some others.

You told me not to stare, but I did not know who he was. You explained and we went in and grabbed 44 ounces of pure sugary carbonation.

We watched as he and his passengers and driver loaded back in. He looked over at you and climbed into the back seat.

At first not a word was said. As we drove home, you said that was cool.

He had so much gold and platinum around his neck. We both talked of the costs and why he was out so late. You punched my shoulder and laughed.

We are started something. A link a break into something more than before.

You hated my stories as they changed in memory or I told the same ones repeatedly. But you always remembered that night.

So did I, and I'll forever remember those late night soda and food runs. They were times you would talk to me as your dad.

Your 22nd birthday - June 14th

Casey Mcdonnell

Today is your 22nd birthday.

I celebrate your birthday as I celebrate your life. Complex, intelligent and unpredictable, you always did things your way. Some times it was incredibly amazing to see your dissecting of words, music, math and life.

You are forever my son. A light in my life that will forever shine.

Happy Birthday my bright star. I'll see you in the heavens as I look to the sky.

Love,

Dad

Love you, Love you too.

Life in the Fast Lane

I remember the time we bought your Lexus.  You had to have a 5 speed manual car.  After weeks of looking at every car dealership in Atlanta, we found a Subaru WRX late one evening, and I put it on hold with cash for the next day.  It was sold that night online, and they tried to switch cars on you.  We were very upset it the bait and switch they attempted, so we left for a car you had as a second choice.

It was a hot mess dark gray Lexus IS300 with 5 speed and cool stereo.  You were in love.   I was not.  We argued for hours as I said we needed to look at alternatives.  That night you hit me hard.  You said that car was made for you.  You had all the specifications and details of how it was made as well as many videos of the car performing.

By the next day, I succumbed to your arguments and we went to negotiate.  I went back and forth as you had all the bluebook information and the dealership pushed their price.  The negotiation took hours.  In the end you got your car.

Then the fun started.  You driving the car.  I had repeatedly ask you if you had every driven a manual transmission.   You said yes, you were trained in manual.  

You  entered the car put you foot on the clutch and smoke went every where.  It jumped sputtered and kicked like an old mule.

You pulled over after about 10 minutes attempting to drive.  I pulled next to you cursing and yelling at me.  I repeated my simple question, have you ever driven a manual car?  You said you had practiced with an automatic, so it should be the same.  

I calmed you down, and said let me show you.  I promised that in 30 minutes you would be driving.  I took you to a remote area with hills.  I watched as you went through my instructions.  Frustration turned to jubilation as you quickly picked up the manual transmission.  You drove me to my car, and I watched as you drove off into the horizon.  

A week later, we went on a drive where you scared the crap out of me.  You drove like a race car driver.  I tried to explain that fast equals tickets and danger.  You laughed at my fear and pounded my shoulder.  You slowed down only to appease me, but I think you never stop going fast in your car or in your life.   The full throttle life of the son that got away.

You drove like you were a professional driver; moreover, you drove like your life depended on you being able to get away.  I was always amazed by your tenacity in everything you did.

Casey Lewellyn McDonnell by Logan McDonnell

Casey Lewellyn McDonnell by Logan McDonnell - Father's Day 2017 

Casey Mcdonnell I catch myself catching my breath as your memories are a constant. My love for you is so deep as you were a force meant for greatness. My heart is broken forever. I tear up as I see you in everything and place I go. 

I cannot fix this. I am trying, but the ache is deep, wide and flowing. There was only one you. 

Your stamp on me as your father imprinted itself as a stream of life within my heart, mind and soul. I love you my son, and God I miss you!

Casey Cunning Comes to life at 3 years old.

You were my first born son, and you changed everything for me as a man and father.

It was 1998 and Wayde was not here yet. You and I were hanging together on a dad and Casey weekend. I was having to work with Shelly on a project to build out a new Compaq lab in Greenwood Village.

You always came to work with me. This weekend we met Shelly at the lab, and began new builds of Windows domain and servers.

You were looking through cables and boards. Then going online with your Compaq laptop. Shelly was building the domain and I was tinkering with the racks.

All the sudden, the servers starting shutting off. This went on for an hour as we searched to see what was causing the server shutdown.

Then I saw your eyes. You snuck a look at Shelly the systems engineer assigned to my team. She was tall beautiful and blond. You acted as if you were busy, but you were in a game.

I stopped and just watched you watch her in the frustration she assumed was a hardware or software failure.

I hid my face and watched as Shelly turned away and you hit the power button of very system that she was not looking towards.

You would then slip back in place to start the next act of the game. I sent Shelly a note online, and she turned suddenly to catch you in the act.

Again, your smile said it all. She laughed at your impish response. You jumped up and kissed her. This surprised she and I.

We all talked about that day. That is the day I realized that you were not only acutely aware, you had a game plan to execute against your opponent.

I was lucky to have you as my son, and it was a pleasure to witness your intellect and cunning. I loved you with my heart soul and mind. I love you now and forever.

You taught me to love as a father. You taught me the fun of having a son. Just know your brothers, sisters and I miss and love you everyday.

Marty Stouffer posting

Some are bound to die young
By dying young a person stays young 
in people's memory.
If he burns brightly before he dies, 
his brightness shines for all time 
Unknown

Security is mostly a superstition.
It does not exist in nature, nor do the children
of men as a whole experience it. 
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run 
than outright exposure. 
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
Helen Keller

Perhaps passing through the gates of death 
is like passing quietly through the gate 
in a pasture fence. On the other side, 
you keep walking, without the need to 
look back. No shock, no drama, just the 
lifting of a plank or two in a simple 
wooden gate in a clearing. 
Neither pain, nor floods of light, nor great voices, but just the silent crossing of a meadow. 
Mark Helprin


I will not insult you by trying to tell you that one day you will forget. I know as well as you that you will not. But, at least, in time you will not remember as fiercely as you do now - and I pray that that time may be soon.
From Ross By Terence Rattigan

Casey's Birth

It was a hard day for mother and Casey as hours went by.  Casey had to be pulled out of the birth canal in a life saving move for mother and child.  I had no idea they were in trouble until after his birth.  They had him separated in an portable incubator. Doctors and nurses rushed in and worked until Casey cried.

After his birth, I had the opportunity to hold him and fell in love with my first born child.  I knew you were a little man from the moment we met.